Billy being Bible Man! 
Do other parents, family members, and friends make you feel as if your child’s behavioral issues are YOUR fault because they think you aren’t parenting your child the “normal” way?
Are these people also telling you how you should be disciplining your ADHD child?
In addition, are they are saying you are not “laying” down the law with your ADHD child and that is the reason for their behavior?
If your answer is yes, then you are in the right place and keep reading!
What is “Normal” Parenting Anyway?
To put things in perspective, I searched the definition of “normal parenting” in the Merriam Webster Dictionary and here is the definition:
- “normal parenting” The word you’ve entered isn’t in the dictionary. Click on a spelling suggestion below or try again using the search bar above.
DID YOU READ THAT? I WANT YOU TO READ IT AGAIN!
Merriam Webster Dictionary doesn’t even a definition for “normal” parenting for crying out loud!
I am here to tell you I have been through the ranks of parenting an ADHD child and it certainly has its challenges! Especially dealing with non-ADHD parents.
Momma – Take a deep breath and and follow me on this journey as I explain to you how much you are not Failing at Normal!
Why do I feel like I’m a bad mom?
It’s pretty simple actually.
Over time, we ADHD Moms start comparing ourselves to non-ADHD moms and listen to all of the unwanted parenting advice being hurled our way.
In addition, we are also taking silent stock of their non-ADHD children as well and then the comparison game starts with our ADHD children.
After all, we observe the non- ADHD kids listening to their parents and not be defiant in public as our little darlings.
Furthermore, we also observe their non-ADHD children are not running around like a kid on crack like our ADHD child.
Eventually, what else are we to think but something is actually wrong with the way we are parenting our ADHD children?
This is when we start feeling as if we are failing at normal and our own downward spiral of self-destruction starts.
And guess what? Now we officially feel like bad moms.
So see? This isn’t your fault!
How do I know if I’m a bad mom?
Let me tell you – I started feeling like a failure as a mom early on while parenting my ADHD child.
Speaking from experience, it took me YEARS before I truly realized I wasn’t a bad mom and was doing the best I could. Furthermore, I want you to not feel like this for years as I did.
Now, ask yourself these questions:
- Does your child have a roof over his/her head?
- Do they have a safe and loving environment to come home to?
- Are they getting food in their belly each day?
- Is your child lucky enough to have a loving mom pack their lunches and snacks?
- I bet you give your kid a goodnight kiss, don’t you?
If you answered yes to these questions ( and I know you did!) then YOU ARE NOT A BAD MOM!
That’s where I come in – to raise your self esteem and to confirm to you are NOT doing a bad job at parenting and you are NOT FAILING AT NORMAL!
PSST..Guess what? It’s also normal to secretly hate your child right now.
Yes – I said it and went through it myself: I HATED my child for a very long time and this is normal when you are parenting a child with behavioral issues.eling
Failing As a Single Mom
Boy – can I relate to this one! As a widow, I raised my ADHD/ODD child all on my own.
Sadly, my husband died at the age of 41 of congestive heart failure, leaving me to raise our son alone. There was little family around to help and my sister lived two hours away.
We had some life insurance, but not a lot due to my husband’s health. In essence, I had to keep working full-time while raising our ADHD/ODD son and figuring out a way to deal with our grief.
My daily mission was just getting through the day. Literally.
Some nights I was so exhausted from work, running Billy around to school, sports and working, I would literally fall asleep in my clothes when we got home at night.
As moms, we put ourselves on the back burner and we do what we need to for our kids.
Living the single mom lifestyle put me on auto pilot for years.
When my son entered high school, of course I felt guilty that I couldn’t provide the latest gadgets, fanciest first car or even through him a super cool birthday party.
But you know what? It took me a long time to realize our “normal” was different. I had to adjust any my son needed to learn to adjust as well.
Again, ask yourself these questions:
- Does your child have a roof over his/her head?
- Do they have a safe and loving environment to come home to?
- Are they getting food in their belly each day?
- Is your child lucky enough to have a loving mom pack their lunches and snacks?
- I bet you give your kid a goodnight kiss, don’t you?
There was a time when I had trouble feeding my child and paying bills. However, my number one priority was keeping a roof over his head and that’s what I did.
No matter how hard it got that month, I did one thing: Pay The Mortgage! Choose your hard and get it done!
Give yourself a big pat on the back and tell yourself you are doing a wonderful job and you are doing the best you can.
So I Am Not a Failure – Now What?
Girl – now you need to work on getting your MOJO back! You need to realize the value you have as a mother as I truly believe we are given these children for a reason.
First Rule: It is vitally important you take time for yourself even if it’s a couple of minutes or an hour.
Now, the rebuilding process needs to start in order to regain your confidence as a mother!
Find books or other means to build your confidence and self-esteem! Start thinking back (BM – Before Motherhood) on what your interests and hobbies were.
Don’t forget – now is the time to research all you can on ADHD and discover ways to best help you and your child!
Smooth Operator
Find ways to make your week go smoothly! Here are a few suggestions I used to make my week sail by:
- Meal prep – lunches and dinners
- Snack prep for the week
- Fill up your vehicle with waters, juice, and snacks to avoid a drive-thru
- Prep your clothes and accessories for the upcoming week
- Daily meds, vitamins, etc
- Are crockpot meals a family favorite? Then prep crockpot meals put them into gallon bags, and freeze. All you have to do is dump in the crockpot in the morning and dinner will be ready that night!
When my son would spend a weekend away, I did meal prep on Saturday nights and took a bath and it was heaven! Billy loved meatballs and I would cook up a huge batch of these on Saturday!
Meal prep and clothes prep! This makes the work week so much easier to deal with!
Ask yourself: “What can I do to make my life easier this week?” Now – go conquer it momma!
Ways to Get Your MOJO Back!
Do you like crafts but can’t find the time? Find a 5 minute craft that will soothe you and build back your confidence!
Have you missed reading a good book? Let the dishes and laundry sit for a little bit and discover reading again!
Escape back to coloring like when you were a kid again! Adult coloring books are all the rage right now.
Let’s not forget journaling. The number one thing I did when my son was upset and raging was to write it out! I would literally walk away, lock myself in my room, and wrote out my feelings.
One Step at a Time
This sounds so corney but so true. As a mom, you need to figure out your next steps on figuring out what is best for your child.
Remember – YOU ARE THEIR VOICE!
This may take hours of research of finding the best therapist for him or her.
It could take hours finding the right psychiatrist to start the journey of finding the right medication for him or her.
More importantly, you need to detach and weed yourself from these other righteous parents and naysayers. Now, you MUST do what is best for you and your child.
If someone is not bringing positivity and guidance to you on this journey – axe them from you repertuar.
Do not waste one more precious minute listening to the bullshit that is being hurled your way.
Momma, you do not have time for this right now! Your priority is your child!
You Are Not Alone
Trust me when I say this – you are not alone on this journey.
However, you will need to reach out and connect with others who may be on the same path as you.
Together, you will find the answers and gain some insight on what the next steps are for you and you child.
This is not an easy road to be one. Again, you are not alone. Do not think for one second those non-ADHD parents are not struggling with their own demons.
Personally, in the end, those non-ADHD kids failed at normal worse than my kid did.
Please let me comment below on what struggle you are currently facing and how I can help. I would love you to hear from you!
